Shortly after I aborted my first child, I left the boyfriend who had gotten me pregnant. I was so desperate to be loved, driven to be loved. It would lead me into a string of promiscuous relationships opening myself deeper to the depression demon. After my sister’s death, I rallied against these demonic entities, wanting to be free. I always had a yearning to be free from the sadness and the loneliness. I had let go of the thoughts of any religion at that point and decided to do things on my own. Shortly after, I had met someone who would eventually become my husband. He was a classic narcissist, but in a way, I wanted someone who was so involved with themselves that they couldn’t see how dirty and used I was. I was fully bulimic at the time, trying to keep my weight down so I would be attractive to my soon to be husband.
I believe now, that it was those lustful spirits in me that attracted men with the same spirits. I ended up becoming pregnant again and aborted it even though it was with the man I was going to marry. I was lonely and knew that there was really no love, I never felt loved but I married him anyway. I remember waking up on my wedding day and saying to myself “What have I done?” One of Satan’s big lies is, you better get married right now because there may not be anyone else who want’s you. So you settle for less than what God has for you. Not knowing it then, but God was going to save me, He knew my heart and He gave me two children as a blessing. Depression however was always with me. When, 8 years after our marriage I hit the wall. My husband was terrible to me, angry and mean. My children were out of control…I went outside and cried out with all my heart to the Lord…”SAVE ME! I cannot be saved unless you save me, I’m sorry for not listening to you!”
He did save me, the problem was, I had always been led by emotions and emotional experiences…so for all of those years I was led by the fake jesus and his demons, they were still working but now, they could use my salvation . This was the jesus who would fight with me to go from a Lutheran church, to a Charismatic Non Denominational church. It would make me cry every week in the shower. I bought into the lie, hook, line and sinker. Because of the false doctrine, and the emotional aspect, I went deeper into depression and the deeper I went into depression, the deeper I went into the church.
It was cyclical, looking for my answers there as if God was a “candy machine.” This is how they teach, ” just ask God, just tithe, just do what God want’s you to do, be faithful, go to more events, pray more, get on your knees more, dance more, get involved more etc etc etc.” It just put me into more and more bondage. At one point, driving home in my car after church, all I could think was, “it’s never going to happen, I am always going to be sick and depressed!” I wanted to believe there was a way, but I knew what I was doing wasn’t working. Only God could have opened my eyes to what was going on, I couldn’t have brought myself to see it. I remember a time in worship I was worshiping in full extension, arms over my head, lost, and I felt the Holy Spirit saying to me, “they worship me with their mouths, but their hearts are far away from me.”
Immediately my hands went down. It was from then on God began to reveal truths to me. Eventually, God brought me out and led me to Pam and to my freedom. Satan couldn’t stop what God had intended for me because He always knew my heart….there is hope for you too.
If you suffer from demonic affliction, depression, abortions, a bad marriage, phony religion, you should call Sheppard’s Counseling Center today. Even if you just need to talk, the phone lines are open right now. Her team of supervised deliverance ministers, are waiting to serve you. Your deliverance, and full freedom in Christ is Pam’s number one concern. The fact that she has 38 years of experience as a licensed therapist under her belt, should beckon you to the phone to make the call. Call Now! (518)477-5759.
When I was an unsaved atheist, God actually did join me in marriage. I also had sense enough to pick a man who was compatible to me in every way. Although my first husband died of a massive heart attack when he was very young, he left me with a jewel, the most important person in my life—my daughter who today is invaluable on so many levels. However, once I became a Christian, I lost ALL good commonsense, assuming that I could not serve God unless I was joined to a Christian man.
Like all stories, mine can be long and involved so suffice me to put things “in a nutshell.”The enemy had convinced me that I was called to prison ministry. In fact, a bald headed, huge and muscular Mr. Clean looking being came forth in a dream and bellowed at me, “I am an angel sent from God to show you your future.”The “angel” sat me down at a blueprint table and showed me a plan for several huge facilities to house prisoners and substance abusers. At the time, my uncle had promised me 300 acres of land so it “all tied together” in a neat little package. The angel also said “The man you will marry will head up the entire project. You will provide the spiritual and counseling component.”
My full testimony of how I escaped Satan’s traps are in this book. Click the cover to preview
This dream was then used to draw me into marriages–with not one but two different men with serious felony records–both men sent to destroy me. The first marriage was 3 years later to Billy G., in 1988 and the second marriage in 1996 to Richard C. Billy was married already but he was in prison. I had dated him in 1979 when he was free , not knowing that he was he was married even then. So one day I went to visit him in prison. Immediately after the visit, a power came on me so strong, with the message “Billy is THE ONE.” Six months later, we were married in prison. I thought he was going to be released soon, not knowing that Billy had TWO consecutive sentences which totaled 27 years. That was 1988. He was released from prison in December 2010 lived for 5 months and then died of a sudden stroke.
The bottom line is that the marriage was an 8 year nightmare. Believe it or not, I was beat down by Billy in prison, while on a conjugal visit, on more than just one occasion. I would walk out of prison with a busted lip and other abrasions and lacerations. I thought I was marrying a Christian, when Billy turned out to be a New Age occultist, an amateur warlock who told me that “he had chains and gates on my soul.”
No he didn’t. On May 10, 1990, Billy predicted that I would have a car accident in 2 weeks. Thirteen days later, my car was hit in the back, while I was on my way to the hospital because of the stress headache that I had for 2 weeks following his “prediction”. I did not take his prediction seriously, yet interestingly enough, the headache started the day he spoke his curse. On May 24, 1990, I was on a 4 lane highway, in the middle of the day, driving about 65 miles an hour, headed for the hospital when my car was hit but not totalled. The power of God came on me and I drove that car like a racecar driver. When I drove my wreck to the hospital, I discovered that my blood pressure was approaching stroke level.
I broke out of Billy’s barbed wire fence with a chronic case of hypertension.
Then I met Richard, the love of my life. We met briefly and I told him about my dream from the angel. Richard had architect skills, so shortly after we met, he constructed a fantastic blueprint. I thought he was “the ONE” cause he could oversee building the first site. RICHARD ALSO was NOT the one. Rich was even worst than Billy, if that could be possible. That was a 9 year nightmare with a heroin addict, a criminal with an anti-social personality.
But the light broke through the darkness and I was set free from Richard by the hand of God.
As an aside— Believe it or not, —Billy sent me a letter two months before his release from prison, an obvious invitation to “resume our marriage once he was released.” I spoke with him once, a few days after he was released. I was polite but I was firm. He died 5 months later of a stroke, 21 years to the day that he spoke a curse of death upon me. May 10, 2011. He was buried on Friday, the 13th. Was that the stroke that Billy had intended for me with his 13 day prediction? God knows.
What you need to know in all of this is that “if the enemy worked something against you and “IT WORKED,” HE WILL TRY AND TRY AGAIN, EVEN USING THE SAME PEOPLE, PLACES AND THINGS.
The lessons that I learned are not really for me. I have the luxury of age, where I can look back over the last 40 years and see that after the death of my first husband, there was no man in God’s plan for me. In this hour, I must press forward. The “I’m waiting for my soul mate days” are OVER. Not that I don’t love men and romance because I certainly do. I just have other priorities today and unfortunately, I have assessed what I desire to do with the rest of my days and “a significant other” is just not in my plans. I can’t take the risk.
I think the message that I have to pass on to the brethren are summarized in 10 statements:
1. Don’t just assume that because you are sensual, romantic, excellent spouse material, that there is a husband in your future. Man was not made for woman. It is good for him, not to be alone. Any man who wants a wife can have one. However, a woman can be alone and do well.
2. God did not call anyone “in a team.” The work that God has for YOU to do as a woman may not require you to have a husband. Co-ministry can be rich and rewarding. However, as a minister for 25 years within the religious system, I have met my share of miserable pastor’s wives. The grass is not always greener on the other side.
3. If you are in bondage to your desire for a mate, the enemy will take advantage of this weakness, time and time again. You must overcome the cultural cues embedded EVERYWHERE that you are less than a woman, without a man or without children.
4. Certainly, fornication is a sin. However, do not marry anyone JUST to avoid sex outside of marriage. If you slipped and got pregnant, DO NOT MARRY THE MAN SOLELY FOR THE SAKE OF THE CHILD.
5. THE ENEMY NEVER GIVES UP ON THIS. I thought that at my age, I am far “under the radar,” yet men seem “TO FIND ME, ONE WAY OR THE OTHER.” Even my 88 year old mother has still not gotten over her desire to have a man. So don’t think that you’ll simply “age out.” Not so.
6. Learn to enjoy the simple things of life. Don’t covet what others have. Learn to love being single. Be thankful that you woke up this morning in your right mind. Learn to love yourself. Love your body because its YOURS and not because you desire to seduce a partner with it.
7. If marriage is for you, develop yourself into the kind of wife that is going to be a blessing to a man. Don’t expect PRINCE CHARMING unless you are PRINCESS CHARMING. Don’t depend upon what a man can do for you.
8. Don’t settle for anything less than WHO you are. In fact, since a man’s ego is essential to his being, make sure that he knows who he is and where he is going.
9. The bible was written for and by a generation that for the most part, was not promiscuous. In other words, “virgins were the norm.” I have counseled with clients who were technically virgins, yet in the spirit, they were not. Too much experimentation. A virgin is a rare species in our time. When sex has been entered into, the body desires more. It is just a natural thing. The body will burn for it. So don’t let Satan condemn you just because you have natural passions. You can learn ways how to “bring your passions under submission to your own will.”
10. Last but certainly not least, if you have a dream, a vision or receive a prophetic message which declares that “this is the person for you sent by God,” run like a bat out of hell. It’s the devil. God does not choose our mates. He leaves it up to our own free will. Don’t just take an isolated case out of the old testament. You are not Isaac or Rebecca.